I recently revisited a painful situation by meeting a colleague from the past. It brought me back to the day I was designed personae non grata in a country and had to leave. I realized how I had defined myself by a particular event, action, decision – not my own. I had become a victim in a big game well beyond my pay grade. I noted how I identified strongly with the political decision that resulted in unexpected negative consequences to the point where I became that perceived “wrong decision.” The disappointment and shame I felt about what I had interpreted as a mistake grew to the point of being a dominant part of my identity. I saw myself as a victim ashamed for not having successfully turned that decision around for myself.
However, there are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to our development. They are an integral part of our existence but separate from ourselves. So a decision that doesn’t result in its intended outcome is not an illustration of character. It is merely an experience. We need to look beyond the decision/action and strive to understand why we made the choices we did, staying away from judgment, as we usually act on the basis of the best possible way forward in our mind at the time.
You have to remember that you cannot define yourself by your choices. You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a bad decision was just an experience, and that next time you can choose to experience things differently. You are not your decisions. Your leadership is not the sum of your decisions – past, present or future. Your leadership lies within your character in dealing with these experiences.