Tag: experience

Leadership by invitation

My latest leadership lesson I received this year from my elderly mother. Watching a loved one or even a peer traverse a path littered with stumbling blocks can be very painful. I find myself wanting to guide them and share the benefit of my own experience, my knowledge or wisdom. I have come to understand though that all human beings have the right to their own paths without the influence of others. Interfering in other people’s lives is denying them the enlightenment gained from drawing their own lessons. I had to accept that I may not identify with the choices of my mother, nor understand them, but she has the right to her own “mistakes”, her own way, her own pace.

Each one of us must earn our independence and gain illumination from making our own decisions. We have so much to learn from reflecting upon the consequences of our choices. Life is about choosing wisely. Understanding that each person must walk in their own way and at their own pace is necessary to lead wisely. Each one of us is unique and drawn to a different path. Yet we often feel tempted to direct the paths of others. Our egos convince us that we know better, often awaking a hidden craving for control within us. Beware!

If you feel compelled to intervene when watching another human being make his/her way slowly and painfully down a difficult path, try to empathize with his or her need to grow autonomously, and make his or her own way in and out of the world. Now people may ask for help and that is different. Indeed, you need a proper invitation to lead and share experiences, advice, drawing on your mistakes and wisdom. Watch for a cue though; do not over indulge. You may just need to provide the spark that will help others regain their balance to carry on their own path. To each their own. Remember that diversity is key to genuine leadership. 

Leadership versus “going it alone”

There is something very special about seeing an old friend coming back into one’s life. I received a message recently from an old friend from high school, who found me through social media. Thirty years may have passed since our last encounter. I was as startled as if a ghost had visited, and a rush of joy as if I had lost a precious gift and found it again.

Every person that passes through our lives makes a contribution; some are brief appearances, others significant challenges, but many add to our life stories. When fate brings old friends back into our lives, there is always a reason or some meaning. It helps reconnect with a part of us we may have forgotten, bringing a missing piece from our lifelong puzzle, a part of us we lost and needed to nurture, another opportunity to address an old situation to move forward.

If this hasn’t yet happened to you, you may be meant to initiate the experience and reach out to an old friend. Be sure to look beyond the surprise of the moment to grasp the deeper meaning this gift reveals. You may realize how we are not meant to discover our path on our own. It is through connections and reconnections that we find our way. Leadership isn’t about going it alone.

Sourcing your leadership

I recently revisited a painful situation by meeting a colleague from the past. It brought me back to the day I was designed personae non grata in a country and had to leave. I realized how I had defined myself by a particular event, action, decision – not my own. I had become a victim in a big game well beyond my pay grade. I noted how I identified strongly with the political decision that resulted in unexpected negative consequences to the point where I became that perceived “wrong decision.” The disappointment and shame I felt about what I had interpreted as a mistake grew to the point of being a dominant part of my identity. I saw myself as a victim ashamed for not having successfully turned that decision around for myself.

However, there are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to our development. They are an integral part of our existence but separate from ourselves. So a decision that doesn’t result in its intended outcome is not an illustration of character. It is merely an experience. We need to look beyond the decision/action and strive to understand why we made the choices we did, staying away from judgment, as we usually act on the basis of the best possible way forward in our mind at the time.

You have to remember that you cannot define yourself by your choices. You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a bad decision was just an experience, and that next time you can choose to experience things differently. You are not your decisions. Your leadership is not the sum of your decisions – past, present or future. Your leadership lies within your character in dealing with these experiences.

Leadership and the unknown

As I look at the world today for the first time probably ever engaging in one single conversation called coronavirus, I am struck by the reality of facing the unknown. To me, this is an interesting opportunity to venture beyond the comfort of our normal life, beyond the safety of all that we have come to trust in this life. To many, this pandemic is a scary situation, which could strike nearly anyone and cause death for as long as there is no reliable medication or vaccine. To others, it is simply a pain, restricting their freedom. To a smaller number of people, this is an opportunity to do things they never have time to do or venture on a new path without a net. To me, this is the time to trust without seeing and enjoy life from a place of balance and support, even if I cannot tell what is coming tomorrow.

We may find it challenging to move without a safety net in life, like a tightrope walker. However, the net is a barrier to experiencing new things, protecting us from failing, if not falling, and ultimately an obstacle to the freedom of doing things differently. Change is inherent to life, and we spend so much time edging against the risks it entails. But what we have learned to trust can surprise us at any moment, and life presents itself again with a multitude of possibilities, all scarier than the other, and we feel alive again. Remove the fear from the equation with a net, and possibilities will shrink.

When you face the unknown and take a few tentative steps despite the fear, you discover that you can attract support into your life by simply trusting. You will meet a soft landing that you could not have anticipated. From this experience comes the highest and best experience of personal growth. It takes being willing to get past the fear of the unknown, the safety net you have relied on for so long, and to trust without knowing. It is a matter of knowing that you will always make the best from whatever comes your way. Trust in yourself to lead your best life.