Tag: integrity

What kind of a parent/leader are you?

What if parenting is not solely, or even fundamentally, about growing up our kids, but rather about growing ourselves up?

I have lived with that question with great affection, looking at my son and feeling utterly grateful for the lessons over many years. I did not yet know when he was little that his playfulness, candor, integrity, and trust were traits I badly needed to re-learn. However, I knew when I saw these traits slowly take backstage, as he was becoming a young adult, that he would have to learn them again, just like me, with his own kids. He knew somehow, as he often said over the past years, that he would need to marry someone who would know how to teach, train, and be the adult because he would most likely be the playmate for his kids.

If we ask most parents what is parenting, they are bound to answer something like: training, mentoring, teaching, passing on to help little ones become adults, essentially to shape those entrusted in their care. This may very well be, but what if this was not the only part of parenting? This is perhaps even the least important part in today’s world, when we badly need to rethink our way forward.

Are you prepared to believe that your kids know things you do not? Are you willing to revisit your childhood and complete with your kids what you could not complete the first time around? What if parenting was a great invitation to rethink your reality and the way forward in your life, as everything is changing around us fast. Are you prepared to look at your children and those of others, as a way to heal what is broken and wounded in yourselves and our society?

Presence and Leadership

“Who you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying.” Maya Angelou

For a few years already, I have offered posts in this blog about the unique contribution individuals can make to the world and the power we all have to impact our context and the international environment more broadly. I have devoted much attention to leadership skills and self-awareness to lead from a place of integrity. I have spent much time reflecting on our unique perspectives as individuals, based on our experiences, our desires and specific strength, on how we think, feel, and act. I also ventured into the power of vulnerability, investigating how our struggles, failures, weaknesses can become our strength and how our vulnerability can be the seat of our own power. I want to write today about our unique presence.

We have all faced situations where we are called upon to help another through difficult times. We are usually more at ease with concrete actions, be it running errands or meeting specific requests, but how to just “be there” for someone is far less obvious and usually more challenging. It is a matter of holding space for someone to express feelings or simply being silent, offering a safe place. We thus become a container for someone else to pour out the overflow or simply share what is too heavy. This is when presence becomes powerful. Our presence alone may liberate others.

Your presence requires steadiness, centeredness, stability, and benevolence for another to lean in, feeling free, safe, and supported. There is no real need to talk or do anything, just be responsive without taking the lead, but still leading by allowing the other to find balance and dictate the flow of conversation. Being aware and open, you can gently steer another to find a stable place and recover his/her own balance. This type of leadership requires humility and awareness. It rests on the ability to be non-judgmental and step out of the way, realizing that this is not about us, simply allowing for the process to unfold. This is a real gift from your part; one that has not yet surfaced and found its place in international settings.