You are important

I grew up as an only child in a lonely home with working parents. School and books became my refuge. I often felt insignificant with belittling beliefs to keep myself safe and make sense of confusing and challenging situations. I felt unseen, unheard but could not relate it to the lack of attention from the people around me. It was more palatable to see something wrong with me. At some level, I felt that my life did not really matter. I was invisible, but that did not prevent me from exploring the world in my imagination and later in real life.

As adults it can also be easy sometimes to buy into the illusion of our own insignificance when we look at the world and feel so powerless to change anything. We are surrounded by celebrities, powerful people, and we may conclude that fame and material power confirm how little our lives amount to. Compared to the suffering of people in places like Syria, we may decide that our challenges are small. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Every single one of us matter and all our challenges matter. We tend to forget how our very existence affects countless people around us in countless ways.

You are important and your life matters because you are a microcosm of a larger whole. Your life is a piece of a puzzle connected to a larger universe where your internal experiences affect the whole of life around you. In reality, life organizes around you! This is a shift of perception around your impact in the world that has the potential to affect your life in profound ways. You may discover a creative power you never knew you had, and generate energy to connect with the world in a different way. This is a different basis for leadership in the world.

How to show up for life?

I often felt that you can only lead from a place of power, that you are in charge when you feel your best, and that others follow when they feel your strength. I came to realize that the point is not to project anything, but to be authentic rather than powerful or in control. The way I walk into a room already says a lot about me. If I am holding back on my troubles I will walk into a room with my eyes down, or I will smile absent-mindedly. If I am hurting inside, I will lack the confidence to be fully present to my surroundings, even if I try to project otherwise.

When we show up for life, we are fully engaged with what it has to offer and teach, whether it is painful or joyful. Noticing how showing up and being authentic with our feelings allows us to attract what we need. When we need healing, we will meet with those who can help us heal. Whatever we may need, if we are connected with it inside, we will find the places, the people, and the opportunities that we need at that particular moment. When we show up for this kind of leadership, trusting in life, showing others how to attract what they need, we become alive and confident. This is the kind of leadership that will inspire others.

You can show up in life for what you are and master the ability to make things happen, whether or not you are in a position of strength, provided that you do not pretend, and that you are able to come forth through your vulnerabilities, as much as your needs, curiosity, and passion. When you show up for yourself in life, the universe will show up for you!

Vulnerability in leadership

I love to watch trees in the autumn. It used to be I liked them most because of the colours, notably in Canada! However, with age I notice in forests around me how trees grow wider each passing year. I see the bark they shed regularly, as they outgrow these boundaries. I reflect on how nature shows us the way to grow personally by shedding our boundaries, our defenses, originally designed to protect us. The point is that what has once protected us becomes an impediment to our ability to expand and become our full potential.

We all need a layer of protection as we grow to face the many challenges in life. We all have a vulnerable core that needs defenses, so as to develop as grown-ups, and to heal when hurt. The delicate process of personal growth, however, requires that we soften and loosen up to shed those boundaries if we are to continuously grow. Many of us prefer to stay safe and start feeling constricted in our environment, not realizing that the constriction is actually imposed from within, from an inability to question the structures and the defense mechanisms we ourselves have put in place.

You may have decided as you age that life is less about you and more about others, from children to grandchildren and beyond. You may have chosen to become of service to your community and lead in some respect for the benefit of others. However, looking at the trees, this is less about shifting your focus to others, and more about becoming wider. It is not about disappearing yourself so much as becoming large enough to hold yourself and others. This requires an important process of questioning your defenses and softening to release the previous boundaries and grow so as to create a new space for yourself and others. This is about leadership in community building.

Peace within dictates peace on the outside

There are so many reasons why the world is in turmoil and so few recipes to bring it to a peaceful place. In reality there is only one reason to account for this dire state: we are not at peace ourselves. We feel compelled to blame disorder and chaos in the world on our fellow citizens or global circumstances over which we believe we have no control. Our own disorder seems of little relevance, and yet there will never be any peace in the outside world until we have created peace within. The roots of the problem are firmly entrenched in ourselves.

Where should we start when assessing our own relationship to peacefulness? Should we seek help on the outside or search within? More often than not, we rely on others, on experts’ account to help us interpret what may be wrong with us. We certainly cannot all be psychologists, physicians, teachers to show us the way to healing and enlightenment. The input of specialists is undeniably valuable, but in reality our own sense of the path is ultimately the most important piece. Our own inner knowing and processing of external help is fundamental to healing. We are the authorities in our own lives, and we have the final say on what is our reality. Yet we tend to let others decide for us where the problem lies and what is the cure. We abdicate our own responsibility, often unaware or not trusting enough our inner knowing. As we learn to relate to what surrounds us from within, we discover an inner sense of what is right and a resonance between the outside and the inside – a harmonious and peaceful experience of integration that brings us and the universe closer, stronger, more engaged, and interrelated with a greater ability to make a difference.

Once we have become aware of this special connection between the universe and ourselves and have found the path to manifest externally what is firmly anchored in ourselves, we can share with family and friends, inspiring our communities and the whole wide world. The first step, though, is looking within and choosing the more peaceful resonance over the negative vibrations and chaotic experiences that the world will become a more peaceful place.