Tag: change

Leadership and loss of control

Leadership is often associated to being in charge, in command, and in control. Yet my most memorable leadership experiences have been when I lost control. Like many, over the years, I have envisioned myself going places, achieving a number of things. I developed visions and plans to get there. In fact, I was particularly good at it. But the hard part and where I truly learned about leadership was when life took me to places where I did not want to go – at least consciously. I would feel that something had gone wrong and that I made a mistake. My fault or not, this would always be associated with some disheartening possibility.

What if things going wrong were to take us to a place where we needed to go for reasons deeper than our own ability to reason? What if these detours and disruptions were necessary to shake us loose of an illusion of control? It usually takes something major to wake us up, and the point is rarely to go back to what we know, but rather to remind us that the way forward lies in what we do not know. How many discoveries were made by accident, changing the course of history? These major wake up calls soften us and make us vulnerable to the point where we can release our resistance and let go of control, of what we know and understand.

You may have visited this undesirable place lately, where your response to difficulty has prompted you to witness some of the patterns of behavior that come up unconsciously, unresolved emotional baggage that stands in the way of an easier life, a more joyful existence. It takes courage to face these moments, surrender to what is, and leadership to create a new path rather than return to familiar ways of being and doing things. You will only get a finite number of opportunities to change course and emerge transformed. What is true individually, also applies internationally.

Leadership and the unknown

As I look at the world today for the first time probably ever engaging in one single conversation called coronavirus, I am struck by the reality of facing the unknown. To me, this is an interesting opportunity to venture beyond the comfort of our normal life, beyond the safety of all that we have come to trust in this life. To many, this pandemic is a scary situation, which could strike nearly anyone and cause death for as long as there is no reliable medication or vaccine. To others, it is simply a pain, restricting their freedom. To a smaller number of people, this is an opportunity to do things they never have time to do or venture on a new path without a net. To me, this is the time to trust without seeing and enjoy life from a place of balance and support, even if I cannot tell what is coming tomorrow.

We may find it challenging to move without a safety net in life, like a tightrope walker. However, the net is a barrier to experiencing new things, protecting us from failing, if not falling, and ultimately an obstacle to the freedom of doing things differently. Change is inherent to life, and we spend so much time edging against the risks it entails. But what we have learned to trust can surprise us at any moment, and life presents itself again with a multitude of possibilities, all scarier than the other, and we feel alive again. Remove the fear from the equation with a net, and possibilities will shrink.

When you face the unknown and take a few tentative steps despite the fear, you discover that you can attract support into your life by simply trusting. You will meet a soft landing that you could not have anticipated. From this experience comes the highest and best experience of personal growth. It takes being willing to get past the fear of the unknown, the safety net you have relied on for so long, and to trust without knowing. It is a matter of knowing that you will always make the best from whatever comes your way. Trust in yourself to lead your best life.

Feeling stuck: time for leadership!

You may experience feeling stuck at home with the same old experiences, a relationship that is not going anywhere, a job that is not rewarding, a city that is no longer meeting your needs. It has not felt right for some time but you have not been able to shift it in the direction you want to go. I have felt like this about my job going through cycles, investing in other things to realize that I am still limited by the job, trying something else in this work environment to hit the wall, even considering new openings to realize that the place is just not in line with my values. At the same time, and while doing many other things to the point where the job is only a sideshow, I am still wasting energy in an environment that is not aligned with who I am.

At times like this, it may be useful to declare our intentions clearly to the world and to ourselves that we are ready for a change, seeking assistance from wherever it may come to move to the next phase in our life. It may come from various corners and at a time we do not control, but assume that it is on its way! The starting point lies with clarity in our minds as to what we want to change and what we are willing to let go. Something needs to die before something else comes in. We may not wish to throw out the baby with the bath water… and want to retain some aspects of what is up for change. We need to be specific with the essence of the change we are seeking to birth.

Do you recognize your situation? Are you able to say clearly what it is that you wish to experience to replace the feeling stuck place? What are you willing to let go? Write it down and revisit the statement daily, like a mantra. Be aware that your statement needs to be clear, as you may get what you write down to later realize that it was not exactly what you aspired to. Refine the feeling, the essence of what it would feel like if you had what you want and stay open to the many different ways this could be delivered to you. For instance, I want to make a direct contribution in the world, and let go of invisibility. There are so many ways this can come to you. It is not specific enough. Enquire: why? what does that mean? For instance: I want to feel rewarded by what I do (in my own eyes) and not only in support of others. Make sure to engage a conversation with the universe to ensure you express yourself clearly and openly. Leadership requires a conversation. It is not a solo experience, even if you feel alone!

Pain

Have you ever wondered what was the role of pain in your life? In my leadership quest, I was recently prompted to reflect on the fact that pain has often been a big motivator in my life. It has proven to be an excellent trigger towards transformation. I often moved country, even continent, to get as far away as possible from a painful relationship or a break-up. I also changed jobs as a result of challenging professional experiences. Already as a young girl, painful moments were often the sign of personal growth.  Even physical pain, in the form of a car accident for instance, triggered a new awareness in my life pointing to the need to let go and be more receptive than constantly in a “doing” mode. Yes, pain has been an engine of change in my life.

Pain in its various forms: physical, emotional, spiritual, can indeed serve as one of life’s great teachers. However, pain is meant to pass. The problem with pain lies with the tendency we have, especially as adult, to hang on to it unconsciously as if it was a way of existing. We are in pain therefore we are… This is at the core of the victim pattern. Similarly, we can reject it and decide that the emotions that go along with pain are detrimental to our well-being. We thus develop coping mechanisms to avoid pain and the discomfort of emotions, either bottling up painful experiences and ignoring them or running away from them. In fact, we might even believe that staying away from what hurts, be it relationships or new opportunities, is the best way to avoid rejection and protect ourselves, unaware of the energy devoted to keeping something as important at bay, and the wasted opportunities to learn from life through all its experiences.

You are not meant to live in a shoebox, nor in cotton. Life is about experiences and choices, good and bad, to learn about what you like and dislike and lead the way from a place of desire and greater wisdom. If you notice that the same painful experiences present themselves, open up and embrace the pain, whether it is an old or a new pain, so that it finds the path to go through you and transform you in the process. However, the most transformative experience of all and a true leadership quest lies with the conscious decision to no longer learn from pain but to learn from joy.