Tag: pain

Rewriting your story

Our wounds and traumas are beyond what we inherit in life. They reflect what is passed on from generations to generations, the family story, but also our own difficult personal moments in life. They are not necessarily meant to be healed or forgotten. The pain inscribed in the body physically, emotionally, and spiritually becomes over time our own architecture of compassion to relate to others and humanity at large: a window into what might become, a pathway to change against all odds, our groundbreaking work, our contribution to the world.

I always wanted to make a contribution. I embraced the world from a young age. I felt this urge to travel, learn languages. I slowly woke up to the desire to transform the collective, unspoken, perhaps hidden promises of a better world. I believe we are all emerging into a new post viral world in this life time albeit at various paces; a world which will look rather different in its outer forms than the one in which I grew up. But I trust that it will carry many of the tried and true, the ancient inner wisdoms and resources from my ancestors.

Have you noticed the re-emergence of inner powers: the power of attention and attentiveness, a renewed self-confidence translated into courageous speeches? Are you aware of the hidden courage waking up inside, kicking and screaming inside like a newborn? Could it be that having stopped your normal way during lockdown, you gave some space for the unknown to manifest and transform your understanding of the destination?

Have you stumbled somehow on the way to self-enquiry?

Time to listen, time to hear the pain and speak

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside”  Maya Angelou                                                                                         


So many times in history we simply did not hear.
This time the whole planet is for the first time engaged in the same conversation, the same fear, the same story. Is it enough?

For the first time, we stand a chance to wake ourselves up to the dire call of the planet, to the conditions in which our vulnerable ones left this world without even a goodbye.  What kind of race have we become?

So much is changing, so much can change, and yet many cannot wait to go back to what they know, to business as usual, ensuring business continuity. What kind of continuity are we hoping for?

We are finally concerned for our health, of course our own individual health before that of others and that of Mother Earth. Let it be so, as we are finally discovering that our own health is linked to that of others and that of our planet. Mother Earth has choked for decades and been on fire all year long. We are faced with a disease affecting our breathing capability, setting our systems on fire. Are we hearing this call? Are we even listening? Do we understand?

For the past two months, have we heard the quiet in the streets? Have we noticed the blue sky and the sunshine, the birds singing, this bright ultra-light bringing sunshine when the sadness all around was so heavy? Have we noticed?

Have we appreciated the sudden slower pace, the time to be in family, having the luxury of inner reflection, meditation, and calmness around? Or have we looked frantically for external stimulations to fill a void inside?

Did we hear our hearts calling us to action to care for loved ones, or mere appreciation for what we have? How many of us teleworking have enquired about how our colleagues were coping, how their families were doing, how they themselves were feeling before enquiring about work, results, and business continuity?

It is high time to put our hearts at the center and align our thoughts and actions with the guidance from within. It is not small changes and various reforms that are required, but a whole systemic change that is in order. We have reached a tipping point. Do we even have a vision of what is our desired outcome? Are we capable of letting our imagination create something new and step out of conformity for fear of what might happen to ourselves?

A system that is immune to other people’s pain, disrespectful to the planet and ultimately to ourselves is not worth saving.

Our system of endless growth for the benefit of a few is not sustainable. We all deserve to thrive, to be happy, and to enjoy our beautiful planet. We owe it to our children. We all agree … but are we hearing the desperate calls of those dying alone among our elders? Do we understand the sacrifices of those working in hospitals? Do we listen with compassion to those in pain, or do we lead the way from the head, to be efficient and perform, to win … convinced or pretending that we know best?

Do we listen to find a new path? Do we hear from other people, diverse views, communities of elders, aboriginal wisdom? Where is this pandemic taking us? What existing weaknesses is it pointing to? Not only in our international system, in our society, but in our own lives, in our own family, our own heart? Have we built the same walls between our heart, head, soul as we have built between our countries as borders closed down so quickly?

Are we hearing the new voices, the new ways, the new ideas with an open heart? Are we prioritizing our health and well-being? Have we learned to listen to our bodies or are we following our fears, too scared to try a new path and too happy to close our minds and hearts to the fears, preferring to return to the well-known, even if it is leading to extinction?

Let us make sure that all those people who died did not lose their lives in vain. It is time to listen hard and hear what humanity has to offer that enlightened us in the past and can enlighten us again. The transition this time requires a profound change within human beings. We have become immune to pain at the systemic level. Let us hope we are still able to feel pain at the individual level rather than run away from it. A change in the socio-political system, our economy or even the international order will not come to the fore unless we transform ourselves deep down and hear the pain all around. Thinking our way out has led to much suffering. Let us feel our way out of this pandemic and start learning from joy rather than pain.

Please share as you see fit. It is no longer my story.

Honoring your full potential

There are many ways to embrace the whole of who we are with our various experiences, strengths, and weaknesses. Yet, in my experience, the tendency is to focus on what we expect others to like and appreciate, and lead our life and others from a place of strength, ignoring the vulnerable spots. To the experienced eye, however, there is a significant difference in the way we walk into a room (and through life) between someone willing to embrace it all and someone hiding behind a wall of tears. The first one comes in curious about what life has in store, willing to engage, and usually having much to offer. He or she is showing up for the party. The other is walking into the room holding back for one reason or another, either hurting inside, hiding behind an imaginary wall, or in need of healing. He or she cannot be present in the room, lacking the confidence to be whole and transparent.

Do you think that hiding parts of who you are is normal? Do you feel that it is better for your surroundings to keep your own issues buried within and not bother others? The trouble with this is that you are also likely to hide this part of you to yourself – from your own awareness. Just noticing that you are not really showing up into the room full of family, or friends, colleagues or even strangers is an important step. Feeling your way into what it would look like and feel like to show up embracing the whole of you, can give you the inspiration to give yourself permission to become your full potential.

In truth, we can show up to fully engage even if we are suffering or closed behind our wall, but it starts with showing up fully to that experience as part of life. Shielding ourselves from the pain and experiences we do not wish to have is shielding ourselves from the whole of life, the negative as much as the positive (two faces of the same coin). There is nothing more rewarding than showing up for the whole of life. When we can do this, we become alive and rich. We gain the ability to make things happen for ourselves, and others around us. We walk through the room and into the world with the curiosity and knowledge that we have a lot to offer, and the desire to share it.

Pain

Have you ever wondered what was the role of pain in your life? In my leadership quest, I was recently prompted to reflect on the fact that pain has often been a big motivator in my life. It has proven to be an excellent trigger towards transformation. I often moved country, even continent, to get as far away as possible from a painful relationship or a break-up. I also changed jobs as a result of challenging professional experiences. Already as a young girl, painful moments were often the sign of personal growth.  Even physical pain, in the form of a car accident for instance, triggered a new awareness in my life pointing to the need to let go and be more receptive than constantly in a “doing” mode. Yes, pain has been an engine of change in my life.

Pain in its various forms: physical, emotional, spiritual, can indeed serve as one of life’s great teachers. However, pain is meant to pass. The problem with pain lies with the tendency we have, especially as adult, to hang on to it unconsciously as if it was a way of existing. We are in pain therefore we are… This is at the core of the victim pattern. Similarly, we can reject it and decide that the emotions that go along with pain are detrimental to our well-being. We thus develop coping mechanisms to avoid pain and the discomfort of emotions, either bottling up painful experiences and ignoring them or running away from them. In fact, we might even believe that staying away from what hurts, be it relationships or new opportunities, is the best way to avoid rejection and protect ourselves, unaware of the energy devoted to keeping something as important at bay, and the wasted opportunities to learn from life through all its experiences.

You are not meant to live in a shoebox, nor in cotton. Life is about experiences and choices, good and bad, to learn about what you like and dislike and lead the way from a place of desire and greater wisdom. If you notice that the same painful experiences present themselves, open up and embrace the pain, whether it is an old or a new pain, so that it finds the path to go through you and transform you in the process. However, the most transformative experience of all and a true leadership quest lies with the conscious decision to no longer learn from pain but to learn from joy.