Tag: awareness

Honoring your full potential

There are many ways to embrace the whole of who we are with our various experiences, strengths, and weaknesses. Yet, in my experience, the tendency is to focus on what we expect others to like and appreciate, and lead our life and others from a place of strength, ignoring the vulnerable spots. To the experienced eye, however, there is a significant difference in the way we walk into a room (and through life) between someone willing to embrace it all and someone hiding behind a wall of tears. The first one comes in curious about what life has in store, willing to engage, and usually having much to offer. He or she is showing up for the party. The other is walking into the room holding back for one reason or another, either hurting inside, hiding behind an imaginary wall, or in need of healing. He or she cannot be present in the room, lacking the confidence to be whole and transparent.

Do you think that hiding parts of who you are is normal? Do you feel that it is better for your surroundings to keep your own issues buried within and not bother others? The trouble with this is that you are also likely to hide this part of you to yourself – from your own awareness. Just noticing that you are not really showing up into the room full of family, or friends, colleagues or even strangers is an important step. Feeling your way into what it would look like and feel like to show up embracing the whole of you, can give you the inspiration to give yourself permission to become your full potential.

In truth, we can show up to fully engage even if we are suffering or closed behind our wall, but it starts with showing up fully to that experience as part of life. Shielding ourselves from the pain and experiences we do not wish to have is shielding ourselves from the whole of life, the negative as much as the positive (two faces of the same coin). There is nothing more rewarding than showing up for the whole of life. When we can do this, we become alive and rich. We gain the ability to make things happen for ourselves, and others around us. We walk through the room and into the world with the curiosity and knowledge that we have a lot to offer, and the desire to share it.

Leadership lies within your story

Many of us enjoy reading a good biography. From Alexander the Great to the Great Catherine, I remember learning about a country through these voluminous biographies. Beyond historical figures, from people often in the news to complete strangers, everyone has a story. I recall my friend telling me how she loves taking the bus and engaging in conversations daily about where people are from. Indeed, we all have different paths and a fascinating story to share, if we take the time to listen, stay curious, and care to reach out to others.

Curiously, the story we least listen to is our own.  We do hear from family members and friends about episodes in our lives, but we rarely have this overall picture through our own biography.  Yet our path, the lessons learned, the choices made, the achievements, and even more the failures contributed to the unique perspective we have developed in life. It is a treasure trove waiting to be explored. 

In fact, your life may be your workshop to give – the path you developed to get through trials and tribulations, to enjoy different points of view (all yours!) from different periods of life. It leads you to greater awareness of who you are as a person. It also allows you to share because, in the end, your life is not only yours. It is your story to tell. It may help others, either through resonance or because of its contrast, comforting those who chose a different path. We each have something to contribute from the way we lead our lives.

Pain

Have you ever wondered what was the role of pain in your life? In my leadership quest, I was recently prompted to reflect on the fact that pain has often been a big motivator in my life. It has proven to be an excellent trigger towards transformation. I often moved country, even continent, to get as far away as possible from a painful relationship or a break-up. I also changed jobs as a result of challenging professional experiences. Already as a young girl, painful moments were often the sign of personal growth.  Even physical pain, in the form of a car accident for instance, triggered a new awareness in my life pointing to the need to let go and be more receptive than constantly in a “doing” mode. Yes, pain has been an engine of change in my life.

Pain in its various forms: physical, emotional, spiritual, can indeed serve as one of life’s great teachers. However, pain is meant to pass. The problem with pain lies with the tendency we have, especially as adult, to hang on to it unconsciously as if it was a way of existing. We are in pain therefore we are… This is at the core of the victim pattern. Similarly, we can reject it and decide that the emotions that go along with pain are detrimental to our well-being. We thus develop coping mechanisms to avoid pain and the discomfort of emotions, either bottling up painful experiences and ignoring them or running away from them. In fact, we might even believe that staying away from what hurts, be it relationships or new opportunities, is the best way to avoid rejection and protect ourselves, unaware of the energy devoted to keeping something as important at bay, and the wasted opportunities to learn from life through all its experiences.

You are not meant to live in a shoebox, nor in cotton. Life is about experiences and choices, good and bad, to learn about what you like and dislike and lead the way from a place of desire and greater wisdom. If you notice that the same painful experiences present themselves, open up and embrace the pain, whether it is an old or a new pain, so that it finds the path to go through you and transform you in the process. However, the most transformative experience of all and a true leadership quest lies with the conscious decision to no longer learn from pain but to learn from joy.

Leadership and parenthood

In my conversation on leadership with interested friends and colleagues these past weeks, I had a meaningful exchange that prompted me to reflect on the link between leadership and motherhood. I am writing today with that conversation in mind, hoping to contribute to my friend’s reflection on the subject. I recall writing in this blog how raising my son had helped me develop my leadership skills, but what specific skills in parenthood, and in what concrete aspects of leadership did parenthood prove useful?

Leadership is being redefined today to meet the demands of a workforce that is essentially seeking out in its job: personal growth, increased connectedness, and making a difference in the world. The new leadership paradigm is slowly shifting towards a socially responsible workforce in demand of greater diversity, equity, and inclusion. Recent research (https://www.potentialproject.com/nl/) seems to validate this analysis when it indicates that the key characteristics of effective leaders in today’s world are rooted in mindfulness, selflessness, and compassion. 

Parenthood is a tremendous asset in developing these characteristics. Mindful leaders combining focus and awareness are rare. We often encounter a distracted leadership, essentially on autopilot, self-absorbed by the nonstop demand on its time. As a parent, we hardly have a choice. Children will quickly see through an absent-minded parent, and demand a greater level of awareness. Moreover, research shows a propensity of leaders today focusing on self, rather than service to others with humility. As a parent, we hopefully discover early two key responsibilities: cultivating a sense of belonging and inclusion for the child to establish solid roots while, at the same time, providing inspiration for the child to ultimately take off and fly solo. Selflessness is core to parenting. As for compassion, it remains controversial as a sign of weakness when leadership still is often associated with strength. It is a mistake to associate compassion with softness. Parenthood teaches us that, on the contrary, compassion is rooted in courage and strength, accepting the need to have difficult conversations and make tough decisions for the benefit of the child. It is about giving feedback that may not be welcome, but that is required for the higher good of our children. As a parent, we get to experience and master the art of being unpopular with humility in service of someone else’s well-being.